Once upon a time, during a partial work day in AP English, I read a book.
That book was called Xander and the Lost Island of Monsters, the first book in Margaret Dilloway’s Momotaro series. I’ve yet to actually write that review but see… things happened in the past few months and well… yeah.
In that book, one sentence popped out at me:
There’s no adult here to tell us to comb our hair or brush our teeth.
And in that sentence, a random blog post idea bloomed, prompting me to kick aside the second part of [hopefully] useful Android apps to another week. It’s also been a while since I’ve written a fun, bookish post… Okay, blogging in general if you don’t count NN16. Also, said second part of Android apps post never actually got published.
Some of the most trivial things we do aren’t actually mentioned in books, even vaguely, unless they’re humorous or pertain to the heinous plot of said novel. The chances of the latter are more than likely slim.
No one ever mentions using the bathroom.
Yes, yes, peeing and pooping is technically too much information (and totally should not be thrown around oh so casually as I just did, but I promise I don’t usually throw that randomly around unless you’re on the same level as Lupe), but the only book I remember that uses the words, “Oh, and I kind of need to pee…” is The Conduit by Stacey Rourke.
It was funny in the midst of a stressful time for the main character. Hence, use in moderation. Also, timing is everything.
But really… fictional characters have bladder controls of epic proportions.
The period. No, seriously. The period.
All fictional girls go through puberty minus the period, unless said period is part of the plot. Which quite literally falls under TOO MUCH INFORMATION.
Then again, explaining the complexities of using a tampon is no doubt harder than the complexities of using a pad. The guys are getting uncomfortable at this point. *digs self in deeper hole*
Okay, moving on, folks. (This is precisely why I decided to start this post off with uncomfortable.)
There has got to be other ways to depict hair out there than “ponytail” or “straight and sleek.” I suppose ponytails are recommended when you’re kicking butt, though.
Speaking of which… curly and wavy hair, wherefore art thou? Lupe, if you write a book, your main character better have someone who likes working with hair! (They also need to have something other than sleekishly straight hair.)
Do fictional people even brush their hair?
Lo and behold, the very thing that sparked this post in the first place. If no one brushes their hair, shouldn’t we get a bunch of knots in the rare instances someone does?
No one actually brushes their teeth.
Or anything hygienic, anyways. It’s like all the major characters come out with sparkling white teeth – no braces needed, no cavities, no tooth decay…
So their breath automatically smells minty, citrusy, berry… which equates to melting make-out sessions when main character heroine and hunky hot guy or vice versa meet lip to lip for the first time (and every time afterward). That one is an exaggeration.
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let down your hair…
The lack of hair cutting isn’t surprising because 300 pages of a novel might really be a week in that particular fictional world…. plus, we’re so busy saving the world, nobody technically has time to go to the barbershop. I guess that explains why the hair is always in a ponytail. We wouldn’t want hair to get in the way of saving the world… do we?