Swear on This Life by Renée Carlino

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When a bestselling debut novel from mysterious author J.Colby becomes the literary event of the year, Emiline reads it reluctantly. As an adjunct writing instructor at UC San Diego with her own stalled literary career and a bumpy long-term relationship, Emiline isn’t thrilled to celebrate the accomplishments of a young and gifted writer.

Yet from the very first page, Emiline is entranced by the story of Emerson and Jackson, two childhood best friends who fall in love and dream of a better life beyond the long dirt road that winds through their impoverished town in rural Ohio.

That’s because the novel is patterned on Emiline’s own dark and desperate childhood, which means that “J. Colby” must be Jase: the best friend and first love she hasn’t seen in over a decade. Far from being flattered that he wrote the novel from her perspective, Emiline is furious that he co-opted her painful past and took some dramatic creative liberties with the ending.

The only way she can put her mind at ease is to find and confront “J. Colby,” but is she prepared to learn the truth behind the fiction?

Trigger & Content Warnings: drug abuse, substance addiction, child abuse (physical and verbal), alcoholism, death of a sibling

Have you ever read a romance novel and felt like a really awkward third wheel of a third wheel? Is that even a thing? Because I definitely felt like one while reading this. Swear on This Life wasn’t bad, but it definitely falls on the worst book I’ve read in 2023 so far. Honestly, I think it’s been awhile since I last read a one-star book. Throughout most of the book I felt like a cartoon of an angry mouse gesturing wildly going, “WHAT EVEN—?” I think a lot of my notes have “angry mouse gestures” written.

Carlino’s novel had a great concept, but it lacked in the execution in a lot of ways. It’s told in two alternating timelines: the present and the past. The past is told in excerpts from J. Colby’s debut novel, a highly raved and bestselling novel* that Emiline reluctantly picks up after her best friend and roommate Cara finishes it.

*I’m no bestselling expert, but the writing style from those excerpts felt clunky.

I loved the format. It was like it was a book within a book, and I thought Carlino transitioned between the timelines really well. Like Emiline, I was entranced by Emerson’s and Jackson’s story (even though the writing was not… great) the moment she decides to cave into the hype surrounding the book (we can all relate), and I was just as interested in what happened next. But that’s really where all the positive aspects end for me.

I think what really didn’t work for me is we spend a lot of time in Emiline’s past in fictional form. So much so that at a certain point, it felt like Emerson was overshadowing Emiline and like Emerson was the actual main character instead of Emiline. Even though they’re both the same person and one’s just fictional (yet heavily based on an actual person), I feel like we know Emerson more by the time we finish. There’s this huge disconnect — I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m blatantly aware her past has creative liberties, or something else entirely. I just can’t put my finger on it.

Most of the present day is Emiline trying to process her thoughts and feelings of what she’s read as she realizes J. Colby = childhood best friend and first love Jase. And because the story Colby writes is based on their past and written from her perspective, she’s furious and validly so. She hasn’t been in contact with Jase in over a decade, and she feels like he’s making a profit from her story and trauma, even if he’s played a major role in her past.

I liked we get to read Emiline’s thoughts and feelings that she processes as she’s reading the book. There’s a little of what’s going on in her life before we quickly go back to the past as she picks up the book again to continue, and the cycle repeats. It gives a very real time feel, but with so much time spent in the past, it’s almost like Emiline is just there. (Maybe that is the huge disconnect for me.)

And when Jase enters the picture, too? He’s just there. There’s no chemistry between them at all or anything that we love about a second chance romance beyond the history between them. Trevor is just conveniently there and then conveniently not. And I have so much I can say considering the fact he and Emiline were in a seven-year relationship. I don’t even know where to begin, because then we’re going neck deep into major spoilers.

It’s pretty much when Jase enters the picture present day that my notes is just internal screaming all over the place all the way until the very end. Not that there wasn’t already screaming throughout the earlier parts, but it’s especially so after the halfway point. It’s not even the way the end feels rushed, anti-climatic, and just ultimately with less of an emotional punch. One has to wonder why I pushed through until the end, but I think a good part of me did it to see just how bad it would get, and it was not a good time.

Swear on This Life didn’t work out for me, and unfortunately, I wouldn’t recommend it either. I don’t think this would put me off reading Carlino’s other books (backlist and future), but I definitely wouldn’t be in a rush to do so either.

Sophia

Blogger at Bookwyrming Thoughts · Website · Read More Posts

Sophia started blogging in February 2012 for the hell of it and is surprisingly still around. She has a GIF for nearly everything, probably listens to too much K-Pop and is generally in an existential crisis of sorts (she's trying her best). More of her bookish reviews and K-Pop Roundups can be found at The Arts STL.

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