The Matchmaker’s Royal Mess by Frieda J. Downing

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The Matchmaker's Royal Mess by Frieda J. Downing
Published by Self-Published on November 25, 2022
Age Group & Genres: Adult, Contemporary, Romance
Representation: Disabled (one ear deaf) love interest
Format: eBook
Source: Author

She’d rather give a mountain lion a bikini wax than mess with love again.

Been there, went viral, never going back. Hattie Montague’s life as a backcountry guide for the spoiled and famous suits her just fine, thanks. It’s the only place she feels completely safe being herself. So what if she has nightmares that she can only speak squirrel and craves pine cones for breakfast? It beats leaving yourself vulnerable to humans. Fine, all of them aren’t bad. She likes probably three, so when one needs her help, she drags herself back to civilization. If she can navigate white water rapids, she can babysit a matchmaking office for a weekend. It’s not like she’ll have to deal with people or, you know, be nice. Ew.

Alexander Greye ruined her life ten years ago. Not his proudest moment. Known as the Winter Warlocke, he’s a man born and raised to lead a country with logical precision. Yet around her, he can’t seem to think rationally. He’s never met anyone who dives into the unknown like she does or tames chaos like she can. In a world as perfectly controlled as his, that makes her irresistible and utterly dangerous. And he’s willing to risk it all to thaw his frozen heart.

It’s half past too late when he realizes his carefully laid plans to win her over covered everything except the theft of the Crown Jewels, an abandoned mine where they’d have to face their deepest fears, and the betrayal that forces them to let go. Quite literally.

Warning: Not for the faint of heart. If you threw Sandra Bullock in a royal romance, well, this might just be it. Sassy romantic adventure, with instances of chaos, misunderstandings, and feels. Oh, and the occasional sheep. Sparks will fly, it’s gonna get awkward, and the Happily-Ever-After will be well-earned.

A copy of the book was provided for review purposes - thank you! Receiving a copy does not guarantee a positive review and therefore does not affect the opinion or content of the review.

Trigger & Content Warnings: sexual harassment (past, mentioned), parental abuse (emotional, side character), gun violence

The Matchmaker’s Royal Mess is probably the most outrageously ridiculous book I’ve read this year. The year is young and there are plenty more books behind the curtains, so one might top this. We’ll find out.

That sounds like the beginning of a negative review, but honestly? I haven’t read a book in nearly two months. It was funny; it got confusing in some parts. And most importantly, how dare boba get called lumpy tea? This is a crime I cannot forgive. (On a serious note, boba isn’t for everyone.)

But it was also something that I needed in this speck of time, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself mostly, even if I might question how outrageous things could get. (And now I’m on my fifth book of the month, so that went well if I say so myself).

Ten years ago during high school prom, Hattie Montague’s life got ruined after being framed for grand theft auto after exchange student Alexander Greye and his cousin stole the principal’s Camaro, wrecked it (and ran off after throwing the keys in her hands), and a video went viral after being posted of her getting arrested. Since then, she’s been working as a backcountry guide in her hometown and views the world through a very cynical lens with a constant wall up around her except for a select group of people.

I’d be cynical and hate the universe too in Hattie’s shoes because what a trashy way to ruin someone’s life; I’d want to call whole man disposal services to get rid of the entire man, even if he’s a prince. There will be no time of day for him when I climb out of the hole that opened up beneath me from a viral video and gather my violent ducks together so I can send him straight to Hell. Even if I lose, which I will.

Anyway, I hold grudges when I’m scorned.

So despite Hattie’s cynical lens, she quickly wormed her way into my heart because she, too, has a grudge after getting scorned deeply like that. And she does not let Alexander forget it when he comes back to win her over (as she should) with his plan that backfires spectacularly, even with their hilarious banter.

But deep down she’s a softie who truly cares about those around her (like her childhood friends and family), even if she doesn’t outright show it. I love we see this develop throughout the novel, though. Also, her talent for improv in multiple scenes? What the hell. I’m jealous.

The Matchmaker’s Royal Mess is definitely not a novel that deals with any serious themes; it’s a very light, quick and easy read. A lot of the events and scenes are unrealistic, exaggerated, and in fact, outrageous. You could even say things can get pretty chaotic; if I listed everything that falls under this category, it would be quite long. Sometimes things moved so fast it was confusing and the writing isn’t anything stellar with romantic lines that will make your heart squeal. But considering the state of my mental health when I started the book, it was practically perfect; all I wanted to do was vibe along and go with the flow: no thoughts, head empty.

If you prefer your romantic comedies more on the realistic side, this would be a very hard pass (especially considering no amount of misunderstandings or reasonings would excuse what they did to Hattie). Don’t even think about picking it up (even if you’re like me and the tagline, “She’d rather give a mountain lion a bikini wax than mess with love again” piqued your interest because of the chaotic vibes), because you will quickly be disappointed on just how unrealistic it can get. It’s not a bad thing, and I felt it worked great here, but it’s also not for everyone.

In other words, you kind of have to be in a certain mood to truly enjoy this.

But if you don’t mind things getting pretty messy in the most chaotic of ways that sometimes make you go, “what the hell am I even reading” or “why is this even a thing,” The Matchmaker’s Royal Mess might be something up your alley.