A Look Back at 2024 + 2025 Aspirations

Happy New Year, pals!

The last time I did a musings and highlights post, it was back in 2022. 2023 felt like too much of a shit show for me and took a lot out of me mentally, so I skipped out on posting; my only goal for the year was to survive. And survive I did, mostly.

2024 was also the year of survival (maybe more so?), though one could argue that sums up most of my life (or at least a good portion). It was the end of a journey in some ways, and a new journey in others. I’m hoping 2025 will be better for me, but I think I’ve been run through so many times in the past few years that I feel like I’m in for a whammy of a year yet again – just in a different form. Maybe it’s a lesson from the universe and I’ve not yet learned it, so I’m stuck repeating it until I learn; I suppose I’ll figure it out at some point. Or maybe I have, and I’m just in denial so I’m stuck in this remedial class of life until I figure it out with my one remaining brain cell.

We’re going to be in for a long post, as is fitting for a yearly wrap-up and aspirations post for the next year, so grab a snack and let’s go for a little time travel through the year.

Blogging Musings

There’s not much to say in blogging otherwise — much of my energy couldn’t be used toward blogging as much as I wanted, although there was a brief stint in the middle of the year after I got laid off where I regularly posted. It felt nice having some form of stability, even if I didn’t know if I could keep blogging by the end of the year. But for a slight moment in time, at least I could enjoy it before it possibly got ripped from me, you know?

I’m grateful things didn’t go south there; I’d rather quit blogging on my own terms. And I’m continuously grateful for everyone who continues to read my posts (because there are so many blogs out there! And yet, you took time out of your day to visit my corner of the Internet), leave a comment, share my posts despite everything that I’ve gone through (especially if you’ve been here from the beginning!) — sometimes I feel like I’m a bit too much.

Normally I share the top 5 most viewed posts of the year, but I’ve decided to move this to my blogging transparency post, which I’ll hopefully have up sometime early next year. Knowing me, though, it’ll probably be up in March.

Reading Musings

This might be the shortest section of the entire blog post.

2024 started with very little reading — I was lucky to read a book in January and February, and frankly, I felt like I’d be lucky to make it to ten books read (my goal was 30, a very ambitious goal at the time now that I think about it). I read over 100 books (109 to be exact), though most were graphic novels and manga.

I didn’t read any of my old ARCs like I intended to, but I managed to (mostly) keep on top of the review copies I got this year. So sure, I added more books to my reading pile, but I also immediately removed them from my plate. It’s not the win that I wanted or even intended, but it’s still a win.

Personal Musings

It’s truly wild how fast time goes and how things change. The nice thing about journaling digitally is I have a throwback function which gives me a rundown of the posts I wrote in the past 30 days and the same day in previous years — but most of the time, I don’t bother reading them because of the pain. I’d like to think I’ve moved on from the pain.

Journaling for me is, in some ways, therapeutic; I’m grateful for the support system I have now (something I didn’t think I would ever get!) who are there for me constantly to hear me vent when I need it (and vice versa), but sometimes I don’t want to bog them down and I just want to process my feelings on my own. It’s why I don’t read my entries most of the time — it’s just a way for me to get things out into the open. But sometimes, I look back, like I did this year.

I’ve noticed there’s always an increase in entries when I go through something, though I always try to dedicate time to write an entry once a week at the very least. And sometimes I don’t have time for journalling, which is also valid. Sometimes I’ll save up relatable memes or reels I find through social media or funny moments I capture between friends on Discord so I can look back on. I’m not afraid to write more than an entry per day, and looking back, 2024 makes up a lot of entries.

It’s not a surprise for me, though: this was the first year I included entries with relatable memes and reels that resonated with me, along with capturing photos of cool stuff I find when I get a chance to sneak a trip to the bookstore. I’m not sure when I decided to start doing that, but I think it was an attempt to bring some joy and comfort in the hand I was given so early in the year — I think it’s something I’ll continue in 2025 and beyond.

I wrote a whopping 323 entries in 2024, which is more than the 243 entries I had in 2023 and definitely way more than the 127 entries I had in 2022. It’s a pretty satisfying number, if you ask me. That’s nearly an entry a day! But I don’t think it surprises anyone that this year took an exceptionally huge toll out of me mentally and emotionally, which showed up in my journal entries and in my DMs with my closest friends.

But let’s talk about what happened, shall we? This was the first year I fully went back through all my journal entries, and wow. That’s all I have to say.

A rundown of the year

This year started out with me burnt out from my previous job and being in survival mode, enough that it took a toll on me physically. I was tired — there were moments early in the year I felt like throwing up or I had to call out sick halfway through the day because of my mental health; with some of those days, I had to hide myself from my mom and pretend I was working even though I was very much Not Okay™. In an ideal world, I’d be able to openly talk about mental health; alas, we don’t live in an ideal world.

Every day was a chore to get up, and frankly, I wasn’t sure how long I was going to last before I crashed. I’m a firm believer that one should rest, because if you don’t rest, your body will eventually force you to do it — and it won’t be at a convenient time. The body keeps the score as they say (a book I fully intend on finally reading in 2025).

But, I ended up getting laid off on the third day of the Lunar New Year. I’ve had my suspicions that I would get laid off much earlier than that (and if we look at how the rest of the year played out, it was a blessing), but it still stung. I felt like I did something wrong, that I wasn’t enough. Of course, that’s just trauma speaking, probably.

And I could’ve gotten laid off much earlier if I had made different choices in late 2022 — for that, I think the universe was looking out for me. My life would’ve played out much differently.

I don’t think it helped that I got blamed by my mom that I manifested my layoff (it was not, and let’s be honest: a lot of industries are going through layoffs) because I mentioned throughout 2022 that one should always be prepared for a layoff/job loss as you never know when you’re next. I guess that was her way of coping with things, though — not that it makes it okay, because as one of my friends put it, why kick me further down when I’ve already been kicked down?

But while I got laid off, I bounced back quickly with a temp-to-hire job. I only lasted for a month there, though, and I have a lot of thoughts and opinions that I’ll keep to myself about it. But it was definitely further traumatizing than the year already was, and I further felt like I wasn’t enough. I will say the next few months took a lot from me mentally when I was hoping it would be restorative.

When I look back at my entries, I’m truly, truly surprised I didn’t walk out multiple times*. And there were multiple times where I wanted to call up a friend and have them remove me from the situation, or just go to sleep and not wake up again because that would’ve been a relief and escape.

*Sure, I have my own two legs and free will and can totally walk out at any time for my safety and wellbeing, but it’s a lot harder than you might think when there are legal ramifications for breaking a lease agreement… And well, there’s the fear, the obligation, the guilt.

Thankfully, I’ve learned how to pull myself back/how to distract myself (enough so I don’t actually do anything about it, but sometimes those thoughts still dance around in the back of my head) when these thoughts crop up. As inconsequential as it might seem, it was really Clo showing me a screenshot from Sumedha’s post about her blogging journey near the end of 2023, and it was what Sumedha said about me in the post that helped me pull through the year. Because I’m worthy of being happy and healthy, and while it sounds a little self-centered (or maybe it’s awfully clear I have trauma and Need Help™), one cannot continue to be an inspiration if they’re not actually around to be one…

I ended up getting a part-time library job in July, though, and it’s honestly the most supportive work environment I’ve ever been in. Frankly, I don’t believe it’s real sometimes. While it might be awhile before I get a full-time position (and I might even leave the library world in the end, though I like it here), it’s a break from the toxic environment of food service and home, and I keep my sanity a little.

And weirdly enough, working at the library has been my happy place lately from everything going on in my life. I’ve been reading a lot more this year, even if most of them are graphic novels and mangas because that’s all my brain can currently handle.

Truly a dramatic start to a year.

One of my childhood friends reached out around early September, and we got to catch up a little in late October/early November. I ended up cancelling our third meetup, though, because of my mom, which I’d rather not get into in my little corner of the Internet.

While we might lose contact again (as one does with adulting), it’s a catalyst for some introspection for me — especially when I look back at my journal entries for the rest of the year. I realize it’s time to go back to therapy again* even if it’s expensive (probably as a once month thing), because I feel things have gotten beyond what I can reasonably handle on my own with my current support system. And even once a month is better and a step in the right direction than nothing, because it gives me some sense of purpose/goal.

*The last time I was in therapy/counseling, it was back in March 2019 using campus resources. I’d happily continue therapy after graduating, but you see, 2020 happened. And things seemed to get better? Joke’s on me, I guess. I was delulu.

I’ve probably been in denial about it, too, if I want to be honest; I probably should’ve gone earlier in the year. But I also knew there was no way I would’ve been able to do so because it’ll be more difficult trying to hide therapy than it was in college, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out. (And well, there’s being unemployed for a bit there, too.)

Either way, I’m immensely grateful for the people who encourage me to go to them and assure me that despite what I’ve been taught, no, I am not in fact, bothering them at all when I’m feeling down, need to vent, or need validation about my experiences from an additional outside perspective. That I’m valued and loved, and I deserve happiness and to thrive without guilt. And I’m thankful that I could bounce back as quickly as I did job wise (and in an industry I enjoy, which not everyone can say), given the current job market.

2024 ended with me getting into tarot a little. I’ve always had a fascination with astrology, and frankly during my layoff, when I needed some ground in my life or a distraction from the shit show going on, I actually went into a little rabbit hole with Western astrology and BaZi charts (Chinese astrology). Life’s chaotic, but astrology felt like it was giving me some validation and sense — that sometimes things are meant to happen the way they happen (although we do have some free will to influence our path).

Tarot is kind of the same way for me, but more like it gives me a reflection to myself that I otherwise wouldn’t want to acknowledge.

So that was a lot. I don’t usually make it a habit to get super personal on the blog for a multitude of reasons. This is the first year I decided to be a little more open about the going ons of my life, and honestly, it felt a little liberating.

2025 Aspirations

I think I’m going to be in for an interesting 2025, since I’m about to experience my first Saturn Return in the next few years (but with a taste of it probably in 2025). I’m not sure how I feel about it. Currently, I’m just dead tired*, mentally exhausted, emotionally drained — all of which are starting to affect me physically yet again.

*The other day I was working at the library, turned around, and there’s a book called Dead Tired by Kat Ailes staring at me straight in the face on display. I don’t know if I want to laugh or feel thoroughly called out.

Whether it’s positive remains to be seen, but considering the past few years, I really hope the universe has some mercy on me instead of handing me yet another shit show or dramatic surprises. At the very least, I hope it means I’ll be making more progress towards more gentle life lessons as a reprieve. Maybe 2024 was a year of mostly endings for me (and a transition period in others), and 2025 will be a year of new beginnings.

So what’s on my mind for 2025? I used to call these goals, but I felt like goals give a certain expectation, and let’s be real here: I usually end up forgetting about them about a week in. So I changed it to aspirations instead, because it’s what I aspire to do in the coming year. And while I could fail, it makes me feel like I tried.

Maybe it’s my way of being gentle with myself, because I’ve always been a perfectionist.

Blogging Aspirations

Like previous years, really, I just want to have a relatively easy blogging year. I find joy in blogging, but it’s also something I’m willing to prioritize the least because I don’t want to ruin that joy.

I’d love to do a post every two weeks, but I think that really comes down to what’s going on in my life and the energy I have. Sometimes it means I’ll get to post weekly, sometimes I’ll disappear for most of the year aside from a review or two and a depressing wrap-up every couple of months that shows I’m still alive and kicking.

It’ll be nice if Clo and I could do a collaboration post we’ve been talking about for years, but I think we’ve both accepted it’s just a bonus and not something that’ll likely happen. Me stealing her favorite K-Pop album honestly seems more likely at this rate. We’re both clowns.

Reading Aspirations

I read a lot of graphic novels and manga in 2024, and while I absolutely count those as books to read, I also miss reading novels. So for 2025, I’d like to focus a little less on graphic novels and manga, and a little more on novels. Though, knowing me, I might go back into graphic novel mode. And that’s fine with me if that happens. Graphic novels have become a comfort for me, which is quite weird to say since I wouldn’t have said that a decade ago.

I think it’ll be reasonable for me to aim for 30 novels — that’ll be about 2-3 books a month. I think for 2024 I did the same thing, and I ended up with way over 30 thanks to my graphic novel and manga phase.

It’ll be nice to finish an old ARC or two, but maybe I’ll throw the towel for them all and accept that I won’t be getting around to them soon. If I get around to them, I can always adjust the review I send through Netgalley. Realistically, I’d like to stay on top of any new ARCs that I accept or request for review.

Personal Aspirations

I’ve already started the process (so I don’t forget), but one of my primary goals in 2025 is to start therapy because there’s just… a lot to unpack in my life. While journalling has helped along with having supportive friends (mostly made through blogging), I feel like I could use some more help and support after 2024. Professional help, that is.

Frankly, when I look back at my journal entries throughout the year, I’m a little surprised I haven’t fully broken apart or snapped (though I’ve definitely gotten close enough). But I do feel like I’m getting to a breaking point, though.

And if you’ve read through my look back at 2024, I think I could use some reflection as well and possibly make some unhappy* decisions for the betterment of my mental health and wellbeing. That’s something I want to do in 2025 as well: be a little more “selfish,” realize I’ve tried finding a middle ground for the past half decade but ultimately I can’t change someone who doesn’t want to be changed. But what I can change? Myself.

*I might say unhappy now, but I could just be deluding myself. Deep down inside, I know it’s probably the obligation and guilt talking.

Basically, if we have to choose a word for what I hope for 2025, it would be intention. Intention in my energy, decisions, etc. Hopefully, my new therapist will be integral to this process so I can finally heal and move on to greener pastures.

(Maybe heal isn’t really the right term here, because the effects of trauma are quite profound and will always affect me whether or not I like it. Maybe it’s learning to live with it.)

I’d love to be promoted to a full-time position at the library, but I also know there are a lot of factors at play and often, it’s not even me. In some ways, I do think it’s nice being part-time still, mostly because of personal issues that have been affecting me mentally and emotionally that I feel will also spill over career-wise. But that’s something for future me to confront.

Let’s talk!

What’s one good thing about 2024 that happened to you? Hopefully, your 2024 went by much more swimmingly than mine did! And if not, I hope 2025 treats you so much better, because we all deserve good things (unless you’re secretly a serial killer in the making, which uh…).

Finally, thank you for hanging around with me this year — whether you’re an occasional reader, a regular one, or someone I regularly speak to. I know I say it a lot, but I’m genuinely glad I get to have a little place carved out for myself where I get to spill my thoughts on all the things.